Thoughts
by SpecialAgentZiva
Summary: That time she'd offered him "anything you want" if he claimed that he'd caused the accident. Trying to look at his cellphone and getting far too close in the observation room. Tony/Ziva fic, Tony's point of view. Tony starts to think one day about THEM.


**A/N: This chapter is entirely in Tony's point of view. I might be doing something for Ziva later, but here you go. Set in season 7. Oh, and I own nothing.**

They say you only really love once. That your heart will only truly belong to one person in life, and if you lose someone and can get over it, they weren't the right person. It can take years to heal sometimes because you sometimes want them back even though you know that they're not coming back. Maybe it's your fault, maybe it's theirs. Either way, you're stuck in the middle of an emotional mess, trying to tell yourself that you only love once, you can get over it, and so this was not the right person for you. Sometimes, this is false: you lose the one you truly loved. But sometimes, this is true. Someone else is waiting.

The time it took for him to get over Jeanne was amazing. He'd always thought that he'd never be in love, it wasn't his thing. He had a reputation and a lifestyle to live to. Playboy cop with great looks, a great voice, and a charming personality.

Some days he stared at the wall and, even now, thought about her. What could have been, what was, and what broke them apart. It was inevitable that they part. Even when she'd given him that last chance: choose her and his life as Tony DiNardo, or choose his team and Tony DiNozzo. The answer was obvious, but he had still stared at the card for days before finally throwing it into a roaring flame.

He'd gotten rid of any pictures of her long ago, preferring pictures of his team. On his coffee table in the living room sat a picture of him and Kate, taken so long ago by Abby. Beside it was a picture of the entire team - the team including Ziva, not Kate, the team including Jenny, not Vance - on a rather windy day, standing together. Gibbs had one arm around Abby, one arm around Jenny, and he was smiling. Abby's other arm linked with Ziva's. Tony's arms were casually around Ziva's shoulders. His favourite picture from Paris wasn't here, however. It sat in his bedroom itself, in two colors. One stood the original coloring, with a mysterious woman staring, smiling. The other was black and white, perfect as she'd thought it would be in that color. There were other photos in his bedroom, but they were all cluttered a little bit behind and beside the picture of Ziva.

Ziva. Oh, that woman. The one who made his heart skip, caused tension, entertained him with her constant joking, could hurt him easier than any other person - both emotionally and physically. She'd been his partner forever and a day. Except when she was gone. His heart had hurt then.

His mind flashed back to the night they'd spent, after that case with the CGIS (what a laughable organization), curled up together in chairs, watching an old old movie. He'd quoted part of it and she'd smiled for him, that smile he loved to see more than anything else. Maybe work wasn't about work anymore. Maybe it was something else.

Some days, he spent thinking about Ziva. Their partnership, their friendship, everything about them. He could probably make an alphabet book with everything to do with her. A is for Always, as in always kicking his butt. B is for Bickering, as in bickering and teasing him. C is for Concealed, as in concealed emotions that can't be read. D is for DiNozzo, as in DiNozzo's relationship with her.

Ha, some of the other days he wondered when he'd started to go crazy obsessive about her, and crazy possessive. He didn't like her dating other guys or being near to them.

On the occasional day he'd realize that Jeanne hadn't been the woman for him, and would never have been even if he'd stayed with her. He still would have been crazy jealous of every man Ziva dated, and he could never really fully commit to Jeanne.

If given a chance, could he commit to Ziva?

Had somebody come up to him and spontaneously said "Can you commit to forever with Jeanne?" he couldn't have said 'yes' at that point without lying. He hadn't wanted to fall in love or commit anyway, but he had… loved, thankfully not committed.

Somehow he could say 'yes' without second thought if the same question had been given to him about Ziva.

Could he spend forever with her and be happy? Was there anything he wanted to change? What did he hate most about her? What did he like most about her? Why **her**, when he was a handsome bachelor with so many women to choose from?

Even these answers were easy.

Yes, he could spend forever and be happy with Ziva. He wouldn't change anything about her - if he did, she wouldn't be his Ziva David. He hated that he'd put her through so much pain only about a year, maybe nine months earlier, but he hated nothing that she'd done or was. He loved everything.

The only thing he could not answer easily was the last question. It was hard for him to come up with a solid reason as to why her, because he knew why her but it was impossible to explain in words to someone who didn't know her as she was to him.

She was more than ex-Mossad Officer Ziva David.

She was more than Probationary Field Agent Ziva David.

She was more than simply Ziva David.

She was his ninja, his rock, his shoulder to cry on and his princess to rescue. She was his anger, his frustration, his happiness and his relief. She was his friend, his enemy, his acquaintance and his family. To put it simply, she was his everything.

The tension that silenced a room when they were together was almost unbelievable. This small thought brought a smile to his lips now as he recalled each tension filled moment, before and after her capture.

_That time she'd offered him "anything you want" if he claimed that he'd caused the accident. Trying to look at his cellphone and getting far too close in the observation room. Her licking his ear, causing him to jump, during a sexual harassment presentation. Their conversation that was had with their eyes just before she was reinstated, the one that drove McGee out of the room to "go… get… a… Nutterbutter..."_

Then he remembered the other conversation they'd had just after her rescue. Where she'd apologized, she'd kissed his cheek and he'd accepted it all. Trust, he still trusted her… and his heart melted a little bit when she finally crossed a boundary they'd set so long ago and skipped a hug, simply kissing his cheek unsurely as a way of apology.

"Gear up!" Gibbs's voice broke through his thoughts and he was forced to focus on reality again, the fact that he'd just typed most of what he'd thought and that Ziva was staring at him curiously. He quickly deleted everything and grabbed his black backpack, stopping to admire Ziva's gorgeous butt as she followed Gibbs.

Just another day at the office.


End file.
